I notice that when I’m struggling with something I go silent. I retreat inside, to this Alice-in-Wonderland world where everything is upside down and twisted sideways and out of proportion. In that world doubt rules instead of confidence, depression instead of optimism. It’s dangerous there.
On the surface I’ve been struggling with what kind of blogger I’d like to be. When I got into this, as usual, I probably read a little too much. “Write what you like to read” all of the top bloggers said.
I like sites like:
I love the recipes they post, their musings on life, and their workouts. But when I tried to blog like they did it didn’t feel real. It felt forced. It felt like an obligation and if there’s one thing that I don’t want this blog to become it’s an obligation.
It did, however, keep me accountable. I started experimenting more with food and being more consistent with exercise. But it also started to take over my life. I know I have an obsessive personality. That’s why I’ve never tried smoking or drugs….it would get out of control–fast.
The #1 reason that I can’t blog like that, though, is because I don’t have the rest of my life together. Right now I need to focus on making a living and settling into life post grad school. And really I can only focus on one huge thing at a time. By throwing so much energy into this blog I was procrastinating. Time to buckle down.
I love blogging, so I’m not going to stop…I’m just not going to be so relentless with it. You’ll only get my best–because you (all 3 of you reading this ) deserve that.
As for my workouts…I’m not being so rigid. I’m walking, I jog sometimes, I bike. I always say that in a relationship, the moment that the scale between happiness and non-happiness tips toward the latter it’s already over. I’m just keeping my relationship with exercise healthy by taking a little space .
I’ll be back!